Come here, sweetheart, sit down, let me look at you. Now these — the Asics Gel-Resolution X — these are good shoes, the kind your cousin Marisol should have been wearing before that whole ankle business at the club, but did she listen?

The DYNAWALL along the midfoot holds you steady when you lunge side to side, and the DYNALACING keeps everything snug through all that dashing about you insist on doing. Forefoot GEL cushioning under the toes, soft as a fresh marraqueta, and a clever two-piece midsole so you land stable every time.

There's PGUARD reinforcement inside the forefoot where you drag your toe — don't tell me you don't, I've seen you — and an AHARPLUS rubber outsole that will outlive us all, God willing.

They lace up properly, they come in sizes 5 through 12, and — this is the part that matters, mi amor — they come in wide widths too, because feet are feet and there's no shame in it; your great-aunt swore by a wide fit and she danced at every Carnival until she was eighty.

Speaking of which: these shoes live in Oruro, high up in Bolivia at about 3,700 meters, where the air is thin, so you'll walk slowly, you'll drink your mate de coca, and you'll wear a jumper — I don't care what the forecast says. It's where the Bolivian flag was first raised, you know, in 1851, and where the Carnival is so wonderful UNESCO wrote it down so nobody forgets.

You'll wear these everywhere from the court at the club to the steps up to the Socavón, and they're also perfect for standing all day at Carnival, which is what you'll be doing whether you planned to or not. Now eat something before the tour, you look pale.

Buy on Amazon